Dirty Tactics
by iits-eriikax3
Summary: Play we had at school... with Draco Malfoy and some other Harry Potter characters..


(Draco's POV)   
Still in the room of requirements, Draco was beginning to lose all hope of ever modelling Weasley into the perfect ladies man.

"Look for the last time carrot-top, fanged frisbees are NOT romantic! Quidditch matches, NOT romantic! A jar of troll bogeys NOT romantic!! I mean, for christs sake, how old are you?"

"17 and a quarter."

Malfoy felt like bashing his head against the wall but instead he shoved Ron off the sofa and took his place as Ron sat on the floor, gazing up at him like an obedient student.

"How about we try those again? What would you buy Hermione for her birthday? And _a jar of troll bogeys _doesn't count this time."

"Then I don't now what else to get her!"

"What about...a rose? Some chocolates? One of those annoying little Pigmy Puff things? Anything girly and without slime involved would probably do."

"But where's the fun in that?" Ron moaned.

"The fun comes after when you get her in a room alone, get it? Right then, what are you going to buy her?"

"A rose and some chocolate frogs."  
Draco raised his eyeborw.

"Oh fine. A rose and some chocolate and caramel hearts."

"See it aint that hard. Right, well now we've covered some of the basics, I think its about time we sort out your look for tonight."

_"Tonight?2 _Ron almost fell backwards into the fire.

"Yep, I figured that with a brain like yours, it would probably be best to put what you've learnt to use as soon as possible, otherwise you'll probably forget it within the week."

"But what's happening tonight then?"

"Well, basically, I'm going to lock you and Granger in a room together and see what happens."

(Your POV) Still stood in the courtyard, pretending to be Ron, you listened amused as Mia gabbled on about how to sweet talk idiots.

_She sure knows her stuff. _

"You know, I never realised just how perfect you and Blaise would have been for each other." You grinned at her and she deathglared you.

"You'd better take that back right now or I'll--"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist!" You laughed and her expression softened. "Anyway, was there a point to me pretending to be Weasley, or was it just for your own personal ausement?"

"Although I do enjoy watching you make an arse out of yourself, yes, there was a purpose. Infact I think we're just about ready. Hermione, why don't you go and stand over there by the door and then pretend to walk back in for the first time. G, is gonna pretend to be Ron and I want to see what you'd do if he were the only one here, okay? Now off you go and remeber what I've taught you."

Mia smiled at her as she cantered off and a minute later she walked back slowly.

"Hi Ron." She said quietly.

"'Ello." You said in a deep voice, whilst pulling a stupid face.

"Guiseley!! Take it seriously!!" Mia hissed at you from the edge of the fountain.

"Hey, you try role playing Weasley and see if you can keep a straight face!"

About half an hour later, the three of you had swapped roles and gone through so many scenario's that you were pretty confident that Hermione would know exactly how to handle herself, however Ron chose to ask her out. Now sitting on the stone steps up to the Entrance Hall you chatted about what would happen later tonight.

"You know I really hope he does it that way with the balcony. You know in the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom." Hermione said, staring into space like a love sick puppy.

"You mean the one like Romeo and Juliet? Aww that would be so sweet!" Mia chimed in also looking all dreamy eyed.

"Ergh, no way. That's too cringe worthy for my liking." You said grimacing.

"Oh just cos you like it rough and ready."

"Hey! I do not! It's just, thats a bit too cheesy somehow. I mean I'm sure its one of the greatest works of literature in the enitre history of muggle playwrites but...urgh. I'd rather they just posted it up on a quidditch scoreboard or something."

"NOOOOOOOOOO" Mia and Hermione gasped together.

You burst out laughing and eventaully they did too.

"Well maybe not just like that then." You carried on. "But, I'd just prefer it if the guy could be direct."

"Don't worry, from what I've seen, Draco can be very direct." Mia grinned at you.

"I didn't say it had to be Draco!" You smirked at her.

"So who else would it be then?" Asked Hermione, who almost managed a smirk herself.

"Oh I dunno, anyone who catches my eye I suppose." You grinned at them but they both cocked their eyevrows.

"Oh come on G. We all know you and Malfoy are meant for each other..." Mia started.

"It's just been a hell of a long time coming." Hermione finished off for her.

"Yeh, I mean, you two have been playing around each other for at least 3 months or something." Mia said, shaking her head.

"Na ah! It's not a _whole _3 months. Maybe 2 months and 29 days, something like that."

"Whatever." Mia rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, thats not important right now..."

_Yes it is. _

**No, Hermione and Ron are top of the list for love right now. **

_The list for love? What is that? Is it like a personal check list or...? _

**Oh shut up. **

"...right now, its Hermione's big debut on the romance scene, so lets go get you all done up for tonight!"

You picked her up by the arm and began to drag her indoors, Mia following behind

As soon as the clock in the prefect common room struck 10, you and Hermione headed out towards the arranged meeting place.

You had to congratulate yourself and Mia for Granger's transformation. She walked nervously beside you in a gorgeous, strapless white and black dress you'd picked out of your own collection. She walked uncomfortably, holding it up as if expecting to be left starkers at any second.

"Relax Herms," you grinned at her, "You look beautiful! Ron won't know what hit him!"

She smiled nervously and let her hands drop to her sides. You and Mia had lightly straightened her hair to kill the frizz and with a touch of make up and a lil bit of tweezer power she was a regular Miss Teen Queen. As you rounded the corner you saw Malfoy casually leaning against a door and you gestured for Hermione to wait where she was.

Walking up to him you smiled. "Well look who it is."

He smirked and let his eyes roam over you. "So is she ready?"

You peered back at Hermione who was fiddling with her fingers and biting her lip nervously.

"As she'll ever be at least. What about Weasley?"

"Hey, he was under the tuition of a master remember? He'll do fine."

You nodded and went back to bring Hermione over to the doorway.

"Right, good luck and just remember everything we've gone over. You'll be fine now go get him!" You opened the door and nudged her inside, catching a glimpse of a frustrated, pacing Ron inside.

Immediately Malfoy shut the door and turned the key in the lock so neither of them could bottle out and run.

You turned to him and smiled and he grinned at you.

"How much do you bet?" He said, gesturing with his head towards the door.

"I'm not doing any deals with you Mr Malfoy. You never pay up!"

He laughed and leant against the door to listen.

"Malfoy!" You hissed. "Stop it, that's a private moment going on in there!"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're not depesrate to know whats gonna happen. There's a free keyhole if you're interested?" He cocked and eyebrow and smirked.

_Oh dear lord, just look at that smirk. _

**I know, doesn't it just make you want to collapse. **

_Ah ha. _

You narrowed your eyes at him but grinned and slowly bent down to peer through the keyhole.


End file.
